Hospital Angel
by HorizonCold
Summary: Written from Trowa's perspective after the run-in with Dorothy on Libra. Mostly introspective. Rated only for some harsh language.


Hospital Angel

**Trowa's POV, written just after the main series. Created a long time ago to get creatively introduced to the gundam charachers. I apologize for the roughness.**

His skin is cold underneath my hand. Not surprising, considering the amount of blood he lost in battle. Even as he sleeps, the wound rendered by that woman gives him anguish, his brow furrowed against the pain.

Dorothy should thank whatever god she believes in that Quatre remained conscious during our confrontation. I would have killed her—shouldhave killed her. Such a pity that he, along with hundreds more, could have died because of one child's insecurity. If she had been a real soldier, she would have kept her emotions under control.

I move my touch from his delicate face to intertwine my digits with his own pale fingers. "Please be okay. Quatre."

He was my first friend and perhaps the only true one. He's one of the three people I strive to protect—so it's my duty to do so. And I almost failed. If he hadn't cried out to me with his heart, he'd be just another sad statistic, lost to the war.

Long eyelashes flutter and blue-green eyes focus on mine. "Trowa? You're here?"

_Of course I am__**.**_"How do you feel?"

"Tired." In pain. But he is too considerate to say so, even as his body betrays him, contorting his smile into a wince.

"Rest. You'll need your energy." Damn my flat voice. I want to show that I'm happy he's alive, that my tenshi is alive. But instead, I remove my hand to take a seat by the window. In the parking lot below, Duo is struggling towards the entry doors with a bundle in his arms. "Duo is coming."

"Good. I have been…" his voice is broken as he shifts painfully in bed, "been wondering how he is doing." Smile still weak, his face is shining. I've often questioned how, and why, his face always looks so hopeful. Of course, he never had to kill for his dinner, murder in cold blood for the chance to survive. He fights for freedom, I fight…fought…as a way of life.

We've all at some time taken comfort in his special light, gone to him for inspiration. But none more than me. Out of the infamous five, he is the only one who has maintained his innocence. The only one who still feels sorry for those he kills. Quatre Raberba Winner.

A pained gasp behind me jerks me out of my thoughts. He is trying to push himself up into sitting position. I move to help him, understanding he want to look his best for Duo. He only feels comfortable dropping his competent mask for Heero and me. We've already seen him at his worst.

Every person alive wears a mask. Some can be removed and replaced as the wearer wishes. Others, like mine, are never removed, even if you want them to be. Our masks are all quite different. Heero's is the one of perfection, hiding the intense compassion in his heart. Duo's is the joker, but at times it changes to suit death. Both are just a cover for the pain of his past, which often arises in his dreams. Duo talks in his sleep. Wufei heals his insecurity by fighting, by becoming justice. To be the warrior worthy of his clan's blessing has consumed his life.

Quatre…He doesn't suppress his anguish. He helps and kills with an equal amount of emotion, all the while holing his ideals for a family that rejected him.

I wonder if I have become my own mask. If eyes are windows to the soul, why do mine show nothing?

Duo bursts into the room, facing away for us, talking to someone in the hallway. "Call me, sweetie!" He makes a thumbs-up motion with his hand, the best one he can manage while his arms are full. It figures—count on Maxwell to flirt in the middle of the colony's best hospital.

Grinning at Quatre's side, he lays his bundle on the sheets. Leaning over, he embraces Quatre in a hug. I'm envious, I think. I can't bring myself to hug my best friend, and yet Duo does it with ease. "Man, you had us all worried."

"It's all for the better, Duo. She's realized what Trowa taught me, that it's not a weakness to have a heart as you fight. It's a gift."

_That I don't have. _Quatre beamed at me, brightening the stark room with his full smile. He's wrong, though. I didn't teach him that. All I did was survive when he attacked the colonies.

Duo's violet eyes flicker over to me in unease. This I understand as well. He and Quatre also grew close during the war, and it's hard to have a deep conversation when 'The Silencer' is looking over your shoulder. Searching for a means of escape, I peek at Duo's gift for Quatre. Smiling just a bit, as much as I can, I pick up the three empty wine glasses. "I'll go find something to fill these up with…something non-alcoholic."

Duo glances back at me gratefully as Quatre laughs. What do you know—I'm funny.

Trying to find the cafeteria, I notice just how vast the hospital really is. And I notice that Duo brought three glasses, not two. Did he know I was here? Or did he assume that since I saved Quatre, I would see him pull through? Or perhaps he knew Quatre is one of the people I protect. Finally finding a refreshment center, I discovered three different kinds of drinks available. Milk spoils quickly and Quatre has water in his room, so I hope they both like apple juice.

A young nurse, only a few years older than me, comes over to help. She holds the glasses as I pour, allowing me to get a good look at her face. She's not wearing any make-up, but she's very pretty in a natural way. Almost like the Lady, the softer half of the Oz commander. Ex-Oz commander.

I give her my small smile, which she returns before walking back through the maze of corridors. She's probably not the nurse Duo was flirting with earlier. Too quiet. Too much like me.

The clock over the post-op station affirms that it has been approximately 45 minutes since I left Quatre and Duo. More than enough time for a heart-to-heart. Ironically, this is my first time in a hospital, and I've been a soldier for my whole life, fighting a war that cost thousands of lives. But the war is over now, right?

Opening the door, they are exactly as I left them—laughing. "Apple juice."

Quatre reached for a glass I've been attempting not to spill on my shirt. "Yummy! Thanks, Trowa."

Duo takes one as well. "Did you get lost? Nurse already came in twice."

"It's a big hospital. I couldn't find the dining area."

"Why didn't you use the maps they have glued on every elevator?"

"I didn't use the elevators." An unwise decision on my part, apparently, but Quatre's new bout of laughter pushes the blunder into prickling embarrassment. Not an enjoyable sensation for me, as little of it as I feel. "I try to keep my mind open to memorize enemy bases, not civilian facilities." Their merriment at my expense immediately dissipates. Nanashi the Natural Conversationalist strikes again.

I retreat back to my window, sipping my drink. "How's Hilde?"

Duo seems surprised. I've never expressed concern for his affairs before, and he probably hates me for blowing up his gundam. But we did go through hell together. I can be nice when I want to be.

"She's alright, a lot better than she was at least. Doctors say she'll be able to pull through completely." He's blinking back tears. No matter how many girls he flirts with, I think he'd probably never leave that one. And we owe Hilde a good deal. If she hadn't gotten the floor plans out of Libra, the fight could have been prolonged for the worse. I tell this to Duo, briefly.

His eyes water over some more before he assumes his joker mask again. "Speaking of women, how about Relena and Heero, huh? Isn't that crazy?"

Quatre responds to that one, while I am confused over the connotation. Since when is Heero's feelings for the younger Peacecraft breaking news? "Yes, it is wonderful how they can find love amidst the horror of war."

Duo smirks, somehow sadly. "Poor Noin though. She was crazy over Zechs."

I cringe at what should have been 'Millardo,' but they don't notice. "I feel sorry for the Lady. She lost Trieze."

Quatre nods gently. "Wufei was upset as well for losing that battle. He really expected to die at Trieze's hands. Lady Une doesn't hold a grudge, gratefully."

"Yes, siree, Quat, that wouldn't have been a pretty sight. But really, Trowa, I think you're the only one who can understand her. Or just stand her."

"Maybe, but I spent more time with her while working undercover. She's unstable, but very determined to work for what she believes in."

Quatre looks thoughtful as stiffness comes to my mouth muscles. I'm not used to talking this much. "Is she one of the people you protect, Trowa?"

"No. The Lady is quite capable of taking care of herself." They burst out in laughter at my words. I didn't mean to say anything funny and I don't understand the joke, but I guess that doesn't much matter. "Don't hurt your side, Quatre."

He wipes away happy tears from his eyes. "It's fine now, thank-you. I was given medication."

Shaking off his giggles, Duo asks, "So, are there any girls waiting for you two somewheres?" Quatre flushes and shakes his head. "What about you, Tro? That woman at the circus is pretty cute."

Blinking at the new nickname, it takes me a few moments to catch on. "Catherine? She's my sister."

Duo laughs yet again, holding up his hands in apology. "Sorry, didn't realize."

"What are you going to do now that the war is over, Trowa?"

"I'll go back to the Catherine. The circus is my home now."

"Yep, any home is a good one—even a moving tent if you ask me." Duo wasn't asked, of course. At least not by me. "I want to chill out with Hilde as long as I can. Make sure she's alright." I doubt that's the only reason.

"Hmmm…I suppose my home will be with my business. My sisters cannot carry all the work forever."

"And I'll bet your forty shadows will be right by your side, huh? If I had twenty-nine sisters myself, I'd let them deal with the work and go have some fun." Quatre smiles politely at the comment, and I turn to watch the colony's fake lights dim into 'dusk'.

"Speaking of sisters, I should return to mine before she grows worried." As I rise, Quatre's face saddens and he attempts to sit up even farther. His arms open to me for a hug good-bye. I awkwardly bend my own arms around his small frame, resting my head against his soft hair. He holds me until I relax. It feels good—no wonder he and Duo try it so much. He's warm. We break apart and Duo is smiling at me.

"What?"

"Just glad to see a cold heart show a little emotion."

Maybe more out of spite then I care to admit, and much to his surprise, I pull Duo into a quick hug. "Take care, Duo."

To my own surprise, Duo's eyes are wet again when I look at him again. "You too, Trowa."

Quatre, always the hopeful one, lends his voice again. "Don't worry, we'll all be together again one day. I can feel it."

"Yea! And then we can have a real party!"

I wave my hand. "Until then."

"Until then," they chorus as I shut the door behind me. It was just a lie to keep us all optimistic, or as optimistic as we get anyway. We'll never see each other again.

I make my way back to my truck and to Heavyarms, hidden in the cultivated trees of outer space. Strange is the realization that soon, if no rebellions come to light against the new government, I will no longer need the mobile suit. For the first time, I am not a pilot or a soldier. Howard offered to keep my gundam on Peacemillion during my stay watching over Quatre, but I decided to keep it close to my person. Not for nostalgia or obsession or regret…but for good-bye.

Heero and Wufei understood as I left with my large cargo. Relena and Sally will take care of them for now. And Hilde, Duo. Quatre has his family and his work. Not to mention his '40 shadows'.

I have my sister. The circus.

I have a home.

After climbing into the truck, I look back to what I know is Quatre's window. He's thinking of me. His heart is telling me so, even from here. He was the first person in the universe to love me. I know that without him, I would not have the courage to continue life without a war to fight. "Thank-you, my angel."

And he smiles.

Driving to the other side of the colony, towards the colorful tents now such a critical part of my existence, I realize that I was wrong in my earlier conviction. We five pilots have been through too much together to go separate ways eternally, despite our differences. For who else would understand us, but each other?

Owari.


End file.
